It seems like forever since I blogged last, and it has. Honestly I just have not had much to blog about, but I am hoping to change that now. I am still not running much, partially because I am scared to injure myself again because I am taking it too fast. Partially because the past couple of times I ran I was slower than before. Now that makes sense that I was, I have not been running, but mentally it is a blow. I just need to get over that, which I am sure with time I will.
I am staying active even through I am not running. Twice a week I drive about 45 min. to Capacity Fitness to work with my trainers. They are simply amazing, and have me doing things I never thought I could do. For one, did you know that you have muscles in your arms. Yep, I never knew that either, but now I am starting to see these things called muscles form. I am also seeing another amazing thing happen, my butt is getting toned. Yep I can't believe it. All of these things are so amazing.
Tonight I went, I normally don't go on Thursdays but because of plans on my normally scheduled day, Saturday, so I went tonight. This was a tough workout. I struggled, both physically and mentally. I moved up from 12 lb weights to 15 lb weights. I know that this is a challenge for me, but a good one. I am amazed that I am pushing through more. I love the physical challenge. But tonight was different. I started becoming exhausted, and I know that was from the dinner I had before I went to workout. It was not my normal food, because of being rushed, so it did not give me the proper nutrition and I suffered from it. I had a mental battle going on in my head.
This was a similar mental battle to the one I started to struggle with at mile 18 of the marathon. I wanted to give up. I was tired. I honestly felt that I had no more in me, but knew that was not the case I had to start to think differently. I had to push past the point where I was. I had to start thinking yes every time I wanted to think no. I needed to start believing in myself when in the past I would simply give up. This is a constant struggle I face, almost on a daily basis. I need to believe in myself. Believe that I am strong enough. Believe that I can do more that I do.
Every time I wanted to stop, I took a short break, took a deep breath, and told myself that I am worth it and I deserve this. That was enough to continue on. I was tired physically. Emotionally I wanted to cry. Mentally I was having an internal battle. Basically I struggled so much tonight. I pushed through, and that was an amazing feeling. I feel strong right now, like I can take on the world. I am amazed at the accomplishments that I made tonight. I am proud of myself.
Every time I am able to push through and feel these accomplishments, I become stronger. I know that this will help me in my running, because lets face it, most of the time when you run, it is you, and the pavement. You have time to think. For most of us we struggle when we are on our own. Self doubt sets in, and we want to stop. Every time I learn to say yes when my body and mind wants to say no, I am becoming stronger. This will make my next marathon become easier.
I know that while I am not hitting the pavement right now, what I am doing is going to make my running so much better:) Lets face it, running is a full body exercise. You need a tight core, and strong arms just as much as you need strong legs. I know that I am not done with running, I will be training for a half marathon soon, I just have to decide which one it will be.